Yanks are flops in the Oval Office. A green-carder may be just the ticket.
By Bill Maher


February 27, 2004
This week, Gov. Arnold Schwarzenegger said he supported a constitutional amendment to allow foreign-born Americans to run for president. At first I was puzzled by his interest in this issue, but then I discovered a little-known fact about the man: He was born in Austria. You'd never know it from hearing him talk, but then he is a highly skilled actor.

And he makes a good point: The Constitution is full of silly, outdated stuff about separating church and state and not putting you in jail without a trial. It's full of lots of 18th century slang like "freedom" and "privacy."

And one of the silliest things of all is the part where it says foreigners can't be president. Arnold's right. The problem with presidents today is that they come off as a little too American. We've got that whole cowboy "bring it on" thing goin'. What we need is a presidency injected with a little sensitivity and worldly sophistication. And who better to deliver that than the grab-and-grope action hero from "Jingle All the Way"? Schwarzenegger mentioned the German-born Henry Kissinger as someone who would have made a great president had the Constitution not been in the way - as if that ever stopped Kissinger.

Quite frankly, I think of foreigners as more educated and more socially progressive when it comes to issues such as abortion, euthanasia, birth control, the environment, religion, marriage, materialism, nuclear disarmament, poverty, human rights and life on Earth as we know it. They generally speak at least two languages and have, by definition, traveled outside the United States.
They're also less likely to wear spurs and a 4-foot-tall lime-green Styrofoam cowboy hat to an international conference and call everybody they meet there "Shooter!" Foreigners can't run for president? I believe only foreigners should run for president.

American presidents are like American beer - bland, watered down and advertised to us as if we're morons. They come from boring places like Hope, Ark., Yorba Linda, Calif., and that town in Texas where President Bush was born: New Haven, Conn.

Face it, the presidency is a lousy job. And who does lousy jobs we don't want anymore better than foreigners?

The guy we've got doing it now works only part time. He spends half the day raising money from mining companies and the other half telling schoolchildren that Al Qaeda wants them dead, and he's in bed by 7!

The average Frenchman knows more geography than we do. The average Japanese knows more math. And the average Guatemalan is already here, cleaning your house and taking care of your kids. If we can trust them with our children, why not the White House? They can run it and clean it.

As a history buff, I've noticed that of all the worst presidents in U.S. history, every single one of them was an American. Doesn't anyone see a pattern here? Nixon, Carter, Hoover - down the line - Thomas E. Dewey, all native-born Americans. Which only goes to show that sometimes ethnic profiling well, sometimes it's just a matter of common sense.

Just once I'd like my president, the nation's president, to be like one of those presidents Italy always has, with the expensive suits and the permanent tan and the Versace mistress, and there's photos of them canoodling on a boat but nobody cares because hey, that's amore. Our guy gets impeached. In Italy, the stock market goes up.

It comes down to this: British people just sound better than we do. When they ask Tony Blair about weapons of mass destruction, the stuff he pulls out of his hat always sounds so much better than the stuff Bush pulls out of his hat.

  

 

The Israeli Guy: "A new book published in Syria says Yasser Arafat is a Moroccan Jew. According to the book, written by a top PLO member, Arafat's father Arrived to Jerusalem from a village in Morocco populated mostly by Jews. The author claims that a cousin of Arafat confirmed that Arafat changed his last name trying to hide his Jewish Moroccan roots."

  

 

My pain drinks too deep
to be touched by mere words�

- Today Is A Foggy Day

  

 

The Iranian Government:

O Lord,
If tomorrow on Judgment Day
You send me to Hell,
I will tell such a secret
That Hell will race from me
Until it is a thousand years away.

  

 

If you would count the number
(for Sheema)

If you would count the number
of blessings laid by friends in quiet
by your doorstep before they tip-
toe away lest they disturb you
from your deep encumbered thought

they would fill your sea of sorrow
and they would wash the tears
from the river of anguish
that catches your every breath
in this moment of your infinite grief.

For at the end when the clouds part
and the sun radiates its warmth upon
the beauty that we know is your soul

a rainbow will catch your heart
and in the warmth of its colors
laughter and peace shall sing
from your lips in a joy that says
this has ended - it is time for you
to continue now with the living.

Until then we shall wait and occasionally
creep to your doorstep where
we will place our bouquets of blessing
which are known as friendship

and slowly walk quiet away
lest the crows gather to watch
our shadows as we leave.

Roger Humes

  

 

I will call it: free like a bird...

  

 

The little girl and I are leaving for the U.S. I will visit mother's grave before leaving.

  

 

Happy Birthday Dad.

  

 

Souls who knew me,
Are now wandering at night
Hovering over the blue mosques
Brushing away the sound of Azaan
From the navy sky of a suffocated town.

Shirin Razavian

you can listen to her poem.

  

 

Soheila Ghodstinat is a young Iranian writer who has followed her dream. Her book is called A journey to Starland.

  

 

"This (Iranian) government can come out tomorrow heavily against fishing and the next day there'll be line-ups for people trying to get on boats to go fishing."

Pedram Moallemian

  

 

I am not depressed. I am SAD and Sad yes I am... but depress... I am not. One can't escape the loss of a beloved... and... and... I am dealing with it one day at a time, mother.

  

 

Perfect Winter Sunset

P: Did you read my e-mail?
Sheema: No.
P: OK! I have to leave for work now. Go check your e-mail.

Sheema reads

Sent : Monday, February 9, 2004 12:05 AM
To : sheema58 hotmail com
Subject : Sheema ye azizam


Sheema ye azizam: (My dear Sheema)

You were so funny on yahoo chat. I really enjoyed it. Doostet daram (I love you). Don't chat with anyone but me!

Booseh, (kiss)
P

...my sweetest man...

  

 

Will You Take Me There? To the land of Makebelief?

Today my little girl made (sang) her first ever poem: Come ee Yami Yami...

  

 

Shadi Sadr has won the Ida B. Wells Award.

  

 

The paradise needed a gypsy girl... and I came along.

Unfortunately for the Europeans... their governments dehumanize the immigrants to cover up for their economical losses... and last week while defending a friend, I was emotionally and psychologically raped by a Dane. I don't blame the guy for being so deeply moved by my shinny black hair and dark brown eyes. I guess we Jews, Muslims, Blacks have that strong effect on some people.

....and one last thing I just have to comment on is... about the three great qualities of the Iranian Government. They are 1) stubborn, 2) stupid and 3) scared!