Yesterday... I finally rearranged some of Maman's cloths, books, notes, poems and letters she had written to me over the years... we lived apart. The emotional exhaustion was beyond words. I could have left them packed in the suitcases forever but for how long? While cleaning I sat down time after time with her Sufi songs and prayer books, makeup box, her notes in my hands... bending... my head almost touching the carpet... my face in her cloths...
Sometimes it is too hard knowing she has died... sometimes all I can do is to put my head on my hands and let the tears fall unseen... unheard...

Later I took a shower to feel the running water touch my naked body, warming it when nothing and none can fill the cold emptiness.

Today I am sad.